Words can be hard, and we at ChurchDrunk tend to use a lot of them. To help you navigate the pathways of our minds, we’ve provided this handy glossary. It is meant for those of you who might not be of the Catholic persuasion to get a footing in some of the more technical terms we might use, and for those of you who find yourselves asking, “Is that really a word?” to understand that yes, it is a word. Because we say so.


1. (adj.) That feeling you get when you feel like your whole life and spiritual perspective is a joke because you’ve given all the blood, sweat, and tears produced by your soul over to a faith tradition that’s given you nothing in return but a swift kick in the teeth…but you go to church anyway.

I just poured my guts out in Reconciliation and was given a penance of 10 Hail Marys and 10 Our Fathers. I’m so goddamn churchdrunk I can’t even see straight right now.


1. (n.) The entire Catholic Liturgy can be referred to as celebrating the Eucharist, but more specifically we’re talking about the part of the mass when we consume our Lord and Savior in cracker form. Also known in some circles as communion.

I’m tired and I’m hungry and I just need to make it to Eucharist so that I can get out of here and get myself a damn cup of coffee!


1. (n.) X;lksdj*fp wod@mn wdlkjh asCLMas! dlm#nsdfj aslMX;Kjasdm wedbl (The phenomenon of speaking in tongues.)

Man, is Peter drunk or is is he just spitting some wicked glossolalia?


1. (n.) An order of the Catholic priesthood founded by St. Ignatius of Loyola. Jesuits are all about education, imagination, and finding God in the everyday things that make up our world. Also known (somewhat ambitiously) as the Society of Jesus!

2. (adj.) Possessing particular qualities or attitudes that are particularly Society of Jesus-ish in nature.

My little Jesuit soul really means it when I say that this glass of wine is divine.


1. (n.) A feeling combining humble service to God with pure, unadulterated fury at the injustice of it all.

That homily about the importance of tithing just filled me right up with rageousness!


1. (n.) A Catholic Sacrament of Healing in which one confesses one’s sins and asks God for the gift of forgiveness. Older Catholics and/or those of the stuffy persuasion might call this “Confession” or even “Penance.”

2. (n.) A ritual honoring the special gift of forgiveness that is already present and constantly offered by an infinitely loving God.

I don’t remember half of last night, but my hangover and lack of pants both make me pretty sure I have to go to Reconciliation.


1. (n.) An individual that is both Catholic and sarcastic. Get it?

2. (adj.) Being so ridiculously Catholic that it just cannot be taken seriously.

The SarCatholic in me always surfaces as a dramatic roll of the eyes whenever I am forced to utter the word “consubstantial” as if it were part of my everyday lexicon.

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